Sharing your life with someone is inevitably going to result in the two of you butting heads. In these moments, before you say anything, call to mind Proverbs 17:14.
One of the most common problems in many marriages is bickering and arguing. Though it is perfectly normal for married couples to disagree and even to fight, arguing on a persistent and exhausting basis can cause significant strain on a relationship. Spending more time arguing than working together and seeing eye-to-eye can make couples begin to lose sight of why they chose to be together in the first place.
When dealing with marital quarrels and disputes, Christian men and women should strive to find guidance in scripture. Proverbs in particular is filled with spiritually inspiring verses offering advice on marriage and relationships. Here we will be taking a close look at the following encouraging quote:
"Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." (Proverbs 17:14)
Learning to Pick Your Battles
Sharing your life with someone is inevitably going to result in the two of you butting heads. In these moments, before you say anything, call to mind Proverbs 17:14. "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam," we are told. Is starting a quarrel worth the time and energy it would take to resolve a resulting dispute? If you only want to argue for the sake of being right, or over a matter that will have no real significance to your lives, then the answer to that question should be a resounding "no."
Of course, there are times in a marriage when difficult issues need to be dealt with, issues that should not be ignored simply for the sake of not "breaching the dam." These issues, however, are usually few and far between. Most minor disagreements and quarrels have no ultimate bearing on your lives, and it is almost always better to drop the matter rather than to pursue it for a misguided reason.
Handling Disagreements in a Non-Combative Way
So what do you do if you want to bring up an issue which you know will likely upset your spouse, but which you also know you cannot simply drop because it truly does need to be addressed? How do you broach the topic without ultimately getting into a fight?
First, you should check your pride and hostility at the door. Approach the topic with your spouse by explaining to them that you don't want to upset them but you need to talk about a potentially sensitive issue. Before starting you should both commit to giving each other a chance to speak and be heard, not raising your voices, and not getting frustrated with one another. Approach the issue as partners, not as combatants. If neither of you can keep your cool and a quarrel does erupt, then heed the advice of scripture and drop the matter for the time being.
Marriage takes work, but with some Biblical guidance and enough effort on your parts, you and your spouse should be able to overcome most common problems. Always keep in mind that your relationship is more important than winning a disagreement or proving that you are right, and you should have no problem keeping the peace by learning to drop unimportant matters.
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.